A long time ago, in a world that also pressed against us—especially against women—with guilt, refutations of delight, and religious subjugation, the rabbinic sages developed a code of conduct and behavior. The Talmud was a series of tractates designed to guide people to civilized life in the face of imperial Roman suppression. The world that Kristen Houghton (my colleague, the Relationships Examiner) writes about in her evocative and intuitive new book, And Then I’ll Be Happy, is not quite as bleak as the one that evolved in the Talmudic era. But it rings true in the same sense of filling a genuine need: As a social professional, it is impossible to deny the savage truth: women, even career-successful women, are still happiness- qualified in this culture. There remains an emotional glass ceiling that too often comes with every little girl’s childhood home. The key insight with which I was rewarded by Houghton’s highly-readable volume, with its firm message and elucidating stories of a variety of women in different passages and predicaments was this: Paraphrasing Houghton, only “good girls” and cooperative women, who look after everyone’s needs first, and then maybe tend to their own requirements, interests, and dreams, can possibly attain happiness. Indeed, the author, with boldness and wit, but deep concern nonetheless, sends us a message in this book that is urgent: Women are disciplined to sabotage their own happiness. She writes: It is also possible that you may be a “settler”—a woman who feels she may never get what she wants and so sabotages her chances for happiness by settling for less than she should have. It is unfortunately too common a practice for women. You may settle for less of a relationship, less of a career, less of a home, all because you feel that what you really want is way out of your range. In settling you undermine your prospects for happiness and become another woman who thinks that she will be happy sometime, somehow in the future. Some women settle for marriage and motherhood because they’re told that this is what they should want. But not all women are cut out to be wives and mothers. Settling for what others tell you that you should have shortchanges your own life’s value. The book is validated by not throwing a blanket of blame or duplicity for the spiritual plight of women entirely on men, or society, or genetics. Houghton brings certain bad habits that some women repeat to the fore; I was especially moved by her story of “Alexa” and her “vicious cycle of life events.” In general, the author, in her professional experience, her personal passion, in her many narratives, is not out to recycle old grievances. She’s out to help women reclaim their right to joy and happiness. In the Talmud, it is written: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?...And if not now, when?” Kristen Houghton has provided vivid answers in And Then I’ll Be Happy: Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First. |
| Noted author Ben Kamin, reviews "And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" |
